it takes more than this to make sense of the day

sometimes i amaze myself.  i amaze myself at how involuntarily mean i can be. 

and here it starts. 

i guess technically it won't be a month until the 4th of february. but it doesn't always take exactly a month for a good thing to unravel. 

i didn't mean to say what i said. at least i know i didn't mean for it to be mean. 

i guess i said it because i'm trying hard to understand, but i don't think i've made much progress. 

and its frustrating. 

really frustrating. 

its almost like screaming at a wall. but not screaming. talking. 

my goal for this weekend is to get my sewing station completed and to sew a bag.  and also to knit another hat or two. and also to upload all my pictures onto my computer and get my etsy shop started.  

those are my goals. i bet only 2 things will actually get done.  

where or where has my motivation gone?